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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:33 pm 
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Ruler of the Fluffy
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You know me, guys ... I'm a sucker for legacy products :oops:

Our Leicester Loonie popped this one up for swaps and I just could not resist! Come on ... I mean ... TEFLON ... how good is that going to be? :D

Actually, I did have a curiosity and a half expectation that it was going to be good to use on my white car which seems to love the high glossing and chemical boosted shine that seems to come from the legacy end of the market - I love Asda Car Polish! :shock: No, I do :!: I love (some) Armor All products and I've enjoyed Simoniz products before; in fact, I have a gallon of their Advanced Wash and Wax (the white lotion-like stuff) which I use regularly through the winter months for that quick gloss and shine.

So, what is it?

Image
http://www.pjgh.co.uk/gallery_albums/si ... CF1425.jpg

Image
http://www.pjgh.co.uk/gallery_albums/si ... CF1426.jpg

It looks a little retro and in fact I couldn't find anything on the web about it - it may even preceed the internet itself. Hang on ... no ... found it ... big in Russia, apparently :twisted:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Simon ... eatment%22

I cleaned off half the bonnet with my usual Allbrite Waterless Car Wash which I use to quickly prepare an area when trying out a new product. To give this product the best chance of showing off its talents, I gave the area a once over with Serious Performance Finishing Polish on a Sonus Professional hand applicator.

Ready to roll:

Image
http://www.pjgh.co.uk/gallery_albums/si ... CF1421.jpg

For old times sake, I grabbed a terry applicator - you know the ones with the pouch from Halfords. No expense spared here for the legacy polish :wink:

I shook the bottle for ages to get any standing sediment reconstituted and poured out a little on the applicator, wiped it over the surface in small circles to work it in and left it it haze, as instructed.

I can feel the silence ... your bated breath is deafening, guys :twisted:

Hmmm ... it just won't buff off. Harder ... nope ... quick prayer ... nope :?

Is the sun shining? No
Are the panels hot? No

I've seen this before where the solvents can evaporate off quickly and the product sort of stains the paint. I made a second application over the top and this did start to shift the dried circles of product. I evened up in straight lines and left to haze over.

Image
http://www.pjgh.co.uk/gallery_albums/si ... CF1422.jpg

Again ... it just won't buff off :D

Ho-hum! Out with the Serious Performance Finishing Polish again, polished the Simoniz off and waxed over with Chemical Guys Pete's 53. Shame I didn't prepare the whole bonnet, but mega-shiny on one side and dusty brown on the other looks kind of fun.

So, to conclude:

Worth using? No
Is it the worst product ever? No
What is? Tesco Deep Shine Evil Stinky Wax
That's a posh name ... what will you call this? Simoniz Teflon Car Hazer & Immovable Polish
Where do you rank it? One click above Tesco Deep Shine Evil Stinky Wax, a good few clicks below Car Plan Eco Car Polish and many MANY clicks below Asda Car Polish ... so that's really saying something :lol:

Given that the full title of this product is: Simoniz Teflon Car Polish & Body Treatment, I'm very glad I didn't start applying it to my body while waiting for it to haze on the car :twisted:

Thanks for reading ...

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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:43 pm 
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Waffle Weave
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Thanks for the warning, and very amusing conclusion :lol:

(must try and find the Tesco Deep Shine Evil Stinky Wax to how bad it smells :D )

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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:51 pm 
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Ruler of the Fluffy
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It's not as bad as a turd covered in burned hair, or a diaper filled with Indian food or even Bigfoot's dick*, but it is pretty evil - almost like they had some Pledge left over from the previous packing run and just let it into the mix :lol:

* http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0357413/quotes :cool:

I can do samples when I get some more little bottles in - I have a whole 16 floz of the Tesco Deep Shine Evil Stinky Wax and about 5 floz of Simoniz Teflon Car Hazer & Immovable Polish. Maybe not :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:52 pm 
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So what you saying?..

:lol:




think i'll be giving that a wild birth then..


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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:52 pm 
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:lol: another superb review. Thanks kindly Paul.

I'll bet Dawood is glad to be rid of it.

Expect to see it in your local Swap Shop soon :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:58 pm 
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Ruler of the Fluffy
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Torque wrote:
I'll bet Dawood is glad to be rid of it.


No reflection on him, but yes ... I doubt he'd even tried it, just found it at the back of the garage no doubt. I sent him a shot of CG WMF, CG BWW and Collinite 845 - I think he'll have more success with those :lol:

I won't be swapping it out ... no way ... this has pride of place in my "worst products of all time" shelf right next to Tesco Deep Shine Evil Stinky Wax. One day, when I have assembled a whole box full then it will appear in Swap Shop and I'll be able to swap it all for just one single teaspoon of Swissvax Best of Show. Just you wait ... it will happen ... that will be my masterstroke :cool: Muhahhahahahhahaaaaa :twisted:

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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 3:21 pm 
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Waffle Weave
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Maybe we should have a new section called "Bloody Awful Swap Shop" :?:

I got some Turtle Wax Ice Liquid Clay, guaranteed to unexpectedly squirt out of the bottle, and have no effect on your bonnet :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 5:01 pm 
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Quote:
Tesco Deep Shine Evil Stinky Wax
:lol:



Quote:
I got some Turtle Wax Ice Liquid Clay, guaranteed to unexpectedly squirt out of the bottle, and have no effect on your bonnet :lol:


:lol: :lol:

thanks guys you have just brightened up a very sh!t afternoon

colin


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PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 3:32 pm 
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I did try it once before, it was a pig to buff off, I thought I didn't apply it properly or something. Luckily I only done half a bonnet.



And they recommend two applications :roll:

Thanks for doing a review.

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PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 3:42 pm 
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Ruler of the Fluffy
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My pleasure - a bit of fun :lol:

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PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2009 3:47 pm 
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pjgh wrote:
You know me, guys ... I'm a sucker for legacy products

Our Leicester Loonie popped this one up for swaps and I just could not resist! Come on ... I mean ... TEFLON ... how good is that going to be?

Actually, I did have a curiosity and a half expectation that it was going to be good to use on my white car which seems to love the high glossing and chemical boosted shine that seems to come from the legacy end of the market - I love Asda Car Polish! No, I do I love (some) Armor All products and I've enjoyed Simoniz products before; in fact, I have a gallon of their Advanced Wash and Wax (the white lotion-like stuff) which I use regularly through the winter months for that quick gloss and shine.

So, what is it?

Image
http://www.pjgh.co.uk/gallery_albums/si ... CF1425.jpg

Image
http://www.pjgh.co.uk/gallery_albums/si ... CF1426.jpg



Maybe it's not for cars but to use in the kitchen to bring back that new shine look for you Teflon pans :lol: about all it looks good for thanks for the wright up Paul :cool:

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 6:36 pm 
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Great write up :D ..I take it we will see this in the swap section soon :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 6:37 pm 
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Ash wrote:
Great write up :D ..I take it we will see this in the swap section soon :lol:


Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:33 pm

...soon indeed :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 6:40 pm 
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Leicester Looney wrote:
Ash wrote:
Great write up :D ..I take it we will see this in the swap section soon :lol:


Posted: Thu May 28, 2009 2:33 pm

...soon indeed :lol:


And I missed it #-o ............... :pmsl:

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 6:44 pm 
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Ruler of the Fluffy
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Actually, it wound up in this 'Mad Professor' mix: http://www.cleanyourcar.co.uk/forum/vie ... php?t=9699

50/50 Simoniz Evil Teflon Cement and Autobright Ultraseal (which is a lot like Chemical Guys 109) ... and since then the tail end of a bottle of Car-lack68 NSC. I've used it a few times since, even on my new 9-5 and it's a good blend! :shock:

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