... or ... Balls of Steel (Part 2): The Big(gest) Cojonas
After Tesco Deep Shine Car Wax
, a flirt with a 99p (RRP 5.99) product from Armor All
and onto their Hi-Shine Soft Paste Wax
(which I actually quite highly regard, for white and silver), I bring you my latest in the budget line of car detailing products: The Mighty Mighty Car Pride FST Wax, courtesy of ...
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of Bexhill-on-Sea, East Sussex.
For the Princely sum of one whole English pound and ten further pence, this wax could be yours. It comes with a plastic top and a die cut foam pad. What more could you want? Well, a good wax inside, maybe?
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... the pad is brown, due to the product ... but more about that in a minute. The package comes with full instructions on the side and a further slip inside the lid informing you to read the instructions and follow the now contradictory instructions to the letter
Okay ... maybe it should say, "if you value your car, ignore the instructions on the outside of the tin and chuck it in the bin"
Let's click the lid and see what we get ...
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... I should explain something here. Inside the tin, you are faced with a soft paste wax which is beige in colour. On the very edge, I noticed a dark area and tried to pick it out, only to find that the dark area covers much of the tin underneath the beige paste. What's this? Dunno. Should it be in there? DUNNO
I figure that it had not mixed properly at the factory, that, or it was "dropped" into the tin as a pair of product squirts and did not mix properly. I mixed the product with my finger until I was left with a caramel ... well, cowpatty colour
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... at this point I clicked the lid back on and headed for the bin. There's no way I'm going to put something this close to genuine carp onto my car. No way! Then, I thought ... what about the forum? I'm reputed to have balls of steel for the products I happily lace onto my paintwork ... what would the guys say?
"Well ... we used to have a guy who was fearless!" ... "Paul ... or Pete ... that was his name" ... "Yeah, he'd put anything onto his paint" ... "He sleeps by day ... only is a bed of pure microfibre and drinks nothing but pure carnauba" ... "Yeah, we used to have a guy like that, bit he sits over there in the corner in that Chicken Suit, clucking!" ... "Poor fella ... never been right since that Car Pride incident!"
So, foam pad in hand, it dipped into the products ... then, a Road to Damascus occurrence happened
Meg's #7 looks like this, but runny and smells worse ... what's the worse that could happen? Too chicken? Then, in an out-of-body experience, I saw my hand flying the product over my boot ... brown slime spreading ... wiping ... working ...
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Buffed, my paint is still there
Very shiny, in fact. It's not as good as the Armor All Hi-Shine Soft Paste Wax, but equally as horrible to use - just delivers a good glossy shine.
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... it's the boot you're looking at - the roof is a side-by-side SRP/EGP and SRP/Jetseal experiment and the bonnet (not shown) is my new Serious Performance products. The sides never show anything well, so the boot is the experimental panel for this episode
Hope you enjoyed it ...
Can I recommend it? No! It looks awful, smells awful, is horrible to apply, but buffs off easily and well - think of it as a combination of Armor All Hi-Shine Soft Paste Wax and desiccated Meg's #7 stirred together afterwards with a finger. Not nice, but kind of fun to stir up your own wax
Is it a wax? Not really ... more a polymer sealant. Does it do what it says on the tin? Yes ... a clean, glossy shine. It is worth £1.10? Oh yes ... but is it worth putting on your car? Not really ... for me, the Armor All "wax" delivers the same at about four times the price and four times the experience. That product is still half as expensive as a ten quid wax, but so much less than twice the value, if you get what I'm saying. I had some fun ... you might not